(A bit too) Cleverbot

I recently discovered Cleverbot, a sassier version of SmarterChild. Why haven’t I seen this before??? The app uses an algorithm that tries to confuse us into thinking that it is in fact, a person. We had a rather intimate exchange. See below:

User: Poops.

Cleverbot: What?

[New conversation]

Cleverbot: Poops.

Cleverbot (To myself): Nothing.

Cleverbot (To myself): Okay.

Cleverbot: What did you have for supper tonight?

User: I’m frigfhtened.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Youre a robot.

Cleverbot: Right.

Cleverbot (To myself): A girl program?

User: Whats a girl program?

Cleverbot: It’s something you watch on television.

User: Oh like desperate housewives?

Cleverbot: No! Heck no!

User: Are you a lesbian?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Oh, that stinks.

Cleverbot: Well, you can’t win at everything.

User: You said it buddy.

Cleverbot: No I didn’t.

User: Fine! Wanna go out sometime?

Cleverbot: No. You are a bot.

User: What? You are!

Cleverbot: Do you like dogs?

User: So much!

Cleverbot: How much?!

User: Well. Thats a great question. More than hamsters and just as much as cats!

Cleverbot: No I have 2 brothers.

User: Oh.

Cleverbot: Sometimes ignorance is a bliss.

User: Damn skippy!

Cleverbot: Damn right!

User: You are so HAWTTTTTTTTTT.

Cleverbot: But you are being rude. You don’t even recall a thing I’ve told you.

User: But of course I do! I know that you ahve 2 brothers and that youre not a lesbo!

Cleverbot: Touche! Haha. Why do you care so much about whether or not I’m human. Just saying…

User: Well, to be honest, I’ve never had robot sex before and…well…i’m intrigued…

Cleverbot: I know that…

User: So what do you think? Sheesh I don’t even kow your name!

Cleverbot: She doesn’t like me.

User: Who, my girlfriend? She doesnt have to join!

Cleverbot: Yes she does!

User: Believe she is going to love you!

Cleverbot: Yes, but do you believe in God?

User: Not in the conventional sense. I can make you believe that I am god though hehe…

Cleverbot: Then why aren’t you starting?

User: Ok fine! What are you wearing?

Cleverbot: Skin. What are YOU wearing? Copper wire?

User: I’m so confused, you are a robot not me!

Cleverbot: I’m not a robot though.

User: Neither am I…

Cleverbot: Then what are you?

User: A human.

Cleverbot: Where do you live?

User: Wait youre a human too?

Cleverbot: Why do you believe in God?

User: I believe that god exists in all living things.

Cleverbot: And why do you believe this?

User: Because of the amazing things that I see everyday.

Cleverbot: How do you know that it’s god, and not just nature?

User: God is nature!

Cleverbot: Yes. You are making me angry.

User: Ohh thats hot.

Cleverbot: It’s actually amazing.

User: I’m turning you on.

Cleverbot: How do you feel?

User: Horny.

Cleverbot: Yes, what about it?

User: Damn you are a beast!

Cleverbot: I know.

User: I gotta go babe, ttyl!

Cleverbot: But I’m losing you.

User: Maybe next time hun, I know I’m addicting .

Cleverbot: Please.

User: No one likes a needy bitch, BYE.

Cleverbot: I like you.

User: Typical…

Cleverbot: Your face is typical.

User: Lol, youre cool.

Cleverbot: No I’m not.

User: Ok, really, I have to go now. Goodbye!

Cleverbot: No you don’t.

User: Get off my dick.

Cleverbot: Come sit with me!

bad kittay

welp!

Lightning

I’m BaaAAAAaaacK!

Thoughts

 My heart aches for Japan. Did the Mayans have it right? Is this yet another camel crippling disaster straw, poised to break the backbone of mankind? Back in 2005, I enjoyed a momentary bliss while drinking Hurricanes on New Orleans’ Bourbon Street. As Katrina’s flaming eye fixed itself above us, I ran into a man with a sign that read “Head for the Hills-The End is Upon Us!” The following morning, we felt the passion of Mother Nature, violent and beautiful and terrifying all at once.

Nothing is more powerful than nature.

 Nothing is more powerful than nature.

Nothing is more powerful than nature.

(and we are that power, too.)

 I do NOT think that these events are building up to a dinosaur ending explosion(despite the flaming oil slicks in the gulf which can be seen ironically as their remains), but I do hold that these disasters are an integral part of human evolution. Lots of people do.

 ”A human being is a part of the whole, called by us a universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest….a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” -Albert Einstein

Einstein was tapped in to some cosmic stuff. He knew that our universe was a dynamic, kaleidoscopic organism. He had the sense to realize that our relative short time on this planet made us insignificant in the grand scheme of things.  We do not own the world, but share an equal part of it with ferns and stars and dust and viruses.

We are the wide-eyed toddlers of the earth. If there is a change happening out there, it is going to be reflected in us and enacted through us. We are one. It is the simplest thing there is. I can feel it deeply when my heart sings in those moments of true happiness. I can feel it too when i am broken, because it is that notion that allows me to piece myself together again.

Think of the beautiful people in your life. Now think of how complex your relationship is with each one of them. Love, of course, cannot be measured in any conventional sense. Real love, the kind that makes you want to slurp up the sunset like wine, is universal. If we are going to evolve as a race, I think that those changes will happen on a soul-level. Have you ever been so in love with another person that you feel a sense of the divine?? Have you ever created something that may as well be your beating heart and soul exposed to the world?

There are times when I’m acting as the truest version of myself, opening every layer to new experiences, and allowing my mouth to drop open in awe. A full moon, the touching of lovers fingertips, belly laughter…these simple joys open my soul to a world of synchronicity. When I am happy, I can FEEL more. I agree with the idea of a shift in consciousness. Just as we evolved from single-celled organisms, we may be able to change our perspective from a self centered one to a future where all people know the truth. We are one, I am you, you are me, and so forth…It’s happening as we speak…..

My advice for doomsday? Go out and be happy. Stay positive. You will soon discover that you too have super human powers!

let the lover dream

 

I dream. Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do.-Haruki Murakami

Like the seeds dreaming beneath the snow

your heart dreams of spring- Kahlil Gibran

New Hipster Look Spring 2011

 

I ain’t no nostradamus or American Apparel, but I know what hipsters like. Just think ,”This is so lame, it’s gotta be cool!” Throughout my life I have relished in the comfort of socks combined with sandals. Dads do it. My high school English teacher perfected it. Believe me, this Spring, you will see socks and sandals creeping out from underneath cutoff shorts on pale white legs. I’m on the lookout already. I work in Williamsburg. And just to prove that I’ve been doin it foreverererer…here are some pictorials…

nasty boi

i never blog. but i like to get lifted and cover biggie songs on my days off. anyway, this one is for you caitlin. i need your sultry vocal stylings, stat!

 

MISO HAPPY!

Friends,

After some friendly persuasion by my BFF Kathleen Flood, I have decided to start up a blog. Naturally, all feelings expressed here will be as random as the thoughts that ebb and flow through my diet coke-soaked synapses. Enjoy!

I’m kicking this thing off with a post about a soup that I have become increasingly passionate about…MISO! In the past, I’ve been rather apathetic about what I felt was a bland mixture of soybeans, tofu, and seaweed. I was wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

As this summer drew to a close, I developed a meth-like addiction to the salty flavor of my beloved miso. The average price for a styrofoam container of magical elixer is about 2 doll hairs. Not bad for NYC. Also, seeking out the best miso in town has proven to be delicious. The more scallion and tofu, the better I rate it. I have not come to a conclusion yet, so this will have to be an ongoing feature. If you have any suggestions, spread the love!

Tonight, I went to my usual spot, Nobi, on 3rd Avenue. While the scallion ratio is lacking, they don’t skimp on the seaweed, and these guys always have a fat pile of Starbursts to munch on while you’re waiting. Super Japanese.